Throughout my entire life, I had a fear of “growing old”. when I was 9, I was scared of turning 10. During my teen years, I was scared of turning 20. Therefore, I refused to “grow up”. I interrelated “growing up” to “growing old” every single day. This made me very immature. I would always hang out with people younger than me, because it made me feel better. Like I didn’t have to grow old, or grow up.
But… then something changed. When I was 19, I started hanging out with people in their 30’s-40’s. I was still in that “anti-growing old (and up)” stage. At that point, it was extremely clear that I didn’t fit in. And that I was the “baby”. I still didn’t want to grow up. At this point, I also started to like one of my friends in the group, who is 16 years older than me. I still stayed so immature and it probably ruined any chance I may have had with him.
As I got older, I slowly started to realize that “growing up” isn’t so bad. And I really don’t need to worry about “growing old”… I still have a long way to go until I get old! I started listening to my friends, who were older, wiser and a lot more mature. They have been telling me to get a job for a while, so I finally broke down and did it. I ended a relationship with a guy, who everyone told me wasn’t right for me. I started to change… well maybe not “change”… but grow up. I started not going to play with my friend’s kids, I was sitting and having conversations with the “grown-ups”. I started to realize I am one of those “grown-ups”.
While, it still is noticeable that I’m the “baby” (mostly because I look younger than I am), I started to feel like one of the adults. And just the other day, one of my good friends (the guy who I had feelings for when I was 19) said he noticed how much I’ve grown up, and how many things probably factored in to this happening. I realized that “growing up” isn’t so bad… and neither is being an adult.
I am finally at a point in my life where I’m happy. I feel that I’m where I’m supposed to be. I act like a 22 year old is supposed to act… but I still have my “kid” moments… and I’ll also have my “older than my years” moments as well.
Growing up isn’t so bad after all. 😉